The Crack of Doom!

"It's energy surrounds us, combines us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter"

Yeah, Yoda, but I'm not talking about the Force here - I'll save that for later. No, this is about the all-pervasive energy force that surrounds us nerdy teens. Yep, the mystical power that is the Internet. Or, specifically, the Funny Side of the Internet. Or, even more specifically...another list of shit. Well, decent, funny shit.

• Newgrounds - your one-stop for hilarious Flash animation and games. OK, so most of the submissions are less the dog's bollocks and more simply bollocks, but there are a few gems. Highlights include anything by Chris Nosal (mucho BadGuys, A Pirate's Life and Super Conductor coolness abounds) or David Firth (the totally creepy Salad Fingers, the hilariously rubbish Burnt Face Man and the freakiest of them all, the Sock Episodes). Also rock out to Dad's Home, marvel at the blissful sweetness of There She Is!!!, laugh (and vomit) along with Retarded Animal Babies and don't forget to check out the Star Wars parody archive. Newgrounds, I salute you!
  
• Heavy - a new find for me, but one I've been exploring with sheer delight in between bouts of gut-busting laughter. The 'Dubbed' cartoons are excellent (check out the G.I. Joe cartoons, which create new dialogue for the wierdest moments of those cartoons. The line, 'Sheeeeeeit' just cracked me up), and also check out the Tourettes Cowboy, G-Nanny 911, Pimp My Weapon, and the awesome Stella. On the latter, I don't know what the hell it is or where it came from, but those three guys are my new comedy heroes. Fantastic comic acting, and hilarious, surreal and sometimes sick situations. Brilliant.
  
• Dave's Daily - not great, but some of the links are good for a laugh. Also check out the Confessions section. It's pretty funny to see just what people will confess over the Net - even if some of them are too strange to believe.
  
• Steak and Cheese - Avoid if you get queasy easily, because the bulk of the pictures on this Sick Network site involve horrible bodily mutations and mutilations. However, there are a few classic comedy images here, and the comments are pretty funny too.
  

Well, that's all I can think of for now, but I just wanted to advertise the sublime Stella Bootlegs for everyone. I'm gonna go watch them again....

Until next time, Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

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"There's a voodoo mojo groovin' at the go-go / That could knock a witch off her broom"

Hey, I was right! Ding-ding! Yowzah! Extras not winning was a shame, but Lucas and Walliams winning the Ronnie Barker Writer award? Yeesh. As Walliams said, they're not worth it. Oh, and did anyone else snort with derision at one of the clips played to display their excellent writing abilities? You know, the one where Lucas's Margorie Dawes gobs on Vanessa Feltz. Truly classic comedy writing, that....

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"Hoick....spit!"

Since the British Comedy Awards are currently on (well, they're currently on a break to allow for the news; what's up with that anyway? Same with any film ITV shows, always interrupted by the news. Just put the damn thing on before or after the main program! Ooh, it's so important to know that that fire that obviously won't go out for a very long time hasn't gone out yet or, oh, the government's fucked something else up. Sheesh, that's not news! Hm, forgive my news-hating-rant tangent; I'll continue:) I thought I'd chat a bit about my comedy likes. I've already mentioned Spaced (woo!) so here's a few more:

• Extras: no, it's not as good as The Office. Yes, it's still good in its own right, so stop moaning about it. It's not fast-paced, it hasn't got incontinent grannies that weren't funny the first time; it's almost sweet at times. It's also damn funny, but us British viewers are fickle creatures, and just because there were a few good episodes of Little Britain in Series Two, it had to win Best Comedy Program. Yes, Gervais has got enough awards, but Extras still deserves one!
  
• Little Britain: it's funny, but not 'genuis' or whatever other unjustly proportioned accolates the tabloids insist on lavishing it with. The first two series were good, but all of the characters are one-joke-wonders. Stretching them out over three series just doesn't work. It's forced-grin time when Bubbles gets naked again (these sketches only have one saving grace in the form of the woefully underrated Rob Brydon) or Daffyd squeaks about in some lycra getup. Even poor Lou and Andy aren't funny anymore, though they're still one of the best things in the show. Word of advice, follow in Gervais' footsteps (as he did Cleese's before him) and call it quits, guys.
  
• Peep Show: admittedly, I haven't seen many episodes, but I completely agreed with Gervais when he said it was a traversty Peep Show wasn't nominated. Damn you all! And where the hell was Hitchhiker's Guide in the Best Comedy Film category? The Incredibles was the only film there I think all but about five people in Britain have heard of. Cuh.
  
• Red Dwarf: no, not in the Comedy Awards, but still classic British comedy. And shame on me, I haven't seen enough episodes. As soon as I get more money, I'm buying all eight series on DVD. Along with Father Ted, Futurama, Bottom and Blackadder. I shall poke myself with pointy sticks for not already owning them.
  
• More Spaced! Series Three! Space Cubed! Whatever! We need it!
  

Well, it's coming back on soon, so I shall bid you adieu....though expect a second rant soon over Little Britain winning another undeserved prize and Gervais not getting the chance to be all smarmy as he collects another award. And here's hoping we never have to see Ma Stallone again. Yikes!

Until next time, keep on smilin' (unless Little Britain is on, natch)

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"There are nine million bicycles in Beijing / That's a fact, it's a thing we can't deny / Like the fact that I will love you until I die"

"I've got some fucking jaffa cakes in my coat pocket!"

If you recognise that quote, then you'll know what this entry entails. If you don't know why on Earth I'm talking about jaffa cakes, shame on you. Shame!

Yes, it's Spaced, one of, if not the, greatest sitcom on TV. If you don't know what Spaced is....well, I can't help you: no one can tell you what Spaced is. You have to experience it for yourself. But if you like Shaun of the Dead, Black Books, Big Train or any other comedies featuring Pegg, Stevenson, Bailey, Grieg, Moran, Frost et al. Or anything directed by the sublime Edgar Wright [cue camera whooshing all over the place for a funky transition to:]

"Hello, Brian."

Yeah. Spaced. Wow. I never caught it on its first TV run (either series) but after I heard of the plethora of Star Wars references in there (and after laughing all the way through Shaun of the Dead) I had to check it out. Cue me buying the DVD boxset with the Star Wars rip-off-style art cover. And it's fantastic! I watched all but two episodes in practically one sitting, and soon after the entire commentary track too. Favourite episode? Gotta be 2:5 - Gone (you know, the gun fight one) followed closely by 1:4 - Battles (you know, the paintball one) and 1:5 - Chaos (you know, the one with the Star Wars viewing and the rescue of Colin). But hey, they're all great.

Here's hoping Hot Fuzz is going to be as good as Shaun of the Dead. And here's fervently praying for Spaced 3. PLEASE! The world will not be complete until Pegg and Stevenson reunite!

Until next time, Space out.

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"Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit!"

Well, it's not so bad.

I got back from work not so long ago - yeah, five-hour days are great - and it wasn't as boring as I thought it would be (see last entry for my gloomy forecast). It would be a lot more boring if we didn't have a tannoy system, and weren't allowed to play music over it. Cue mucho dancing about to Holding Out For a Hero, crooning to Angels and getting a sore throat thanks to How You Remind Me and Bat Out of Hell. Happy days. Eyyyyyy!

Aside from that, today's been bleh. Done nothing much at all - and I don't intend to. Not having to go to either work or college is a time to be cherished - and by cherished I mean spent sitting at a) the computer, b) the TV or c) both. Course, I could always do my homework, but...it's my day off, man!

So, another rambling entry. Well, just to give you a bit of less-than-totally-useless information, here are a few thoughts that will hopefully give you an insight into my likes and dislikes:

• Star Wars - the greatest saga ever made. Ever. Times infinity. You'll no doubt hear much more about Star Wars in many future entries
  
• Doctor Who - best thing on TV since Spaced? Sure is. Looking forward to The Christmas Invasion with Mr. New Teeth.
  
• Robbie Williams - our generation's Elvis? Course. Don't believe me? Watch Knebworth. That's why.
  
• Eminem - er, no. Just....no. Go away.
  
• King Kong - is there even any contest between this and Narnia? Dude, it's a giant monkey beating up T-Rexes and demolishing 1930's New York! The only thing Narnia has going for it is Liam 'Qui-Gon Jinn' Neeson as Aslan.
  
• Lord of the Rings - Jackson's King Kong = good. Jackson's LotR = not. Long enough to make me almost fall asleep in the cinema, and the ending of Return of the King was surely about three hours in length itself, wasn't it? Again, one saving grace: Gollum. I'd say Christopher Lee's Saruman, but his role was far too small, and his death was cut! Darn you!
  

Er, and I can't think of any more. So, until next time, keep on trippin'!

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"I got this fever need to / Leave the house leave the car / Leave the bad men where they are / Leave a few shells in my gun / Stop me staring at the sun"

Hey, it's me!

Well yello there, and almost festive greetings to another LJ update. Well, it seems everything has gone all Crimbo, and though I'm usually loathe to join in the Xmas spirit this early, I do feel a little Christmas cheer coming on. Or perhaps it's just a cold.

Anyhoo, such seasonal merryment will undoubtedly hasten the way of the dodo tomorrow, since I have work. Only two days a week - as a college-boy, I'm entitled to such luxury - but since I work at Pontin's, and it's not exactly the most popular of destinations this time of year, it gets veeeery boring. We (i.e., the mucho-bored staff) have taken to playing 'A to Z' games; basically, pick a subject (movies, actors, actresses, singers, song titles etc) and go through the alphabet, each person trying to come up with a name for that letter. It's testament to how bored we get that we've even done one based on the various products in the shop. And we found, much to our consternation, that there's never a xylaphone, a yo-yo or a zebra handy when you need one....

Still, it's not all bad. I done some filming for my Media Studies project today (we're doing the opening few minutes of a thriller, ours involving flashbacks, a heist outside Age Concern [yes, it was the only decent-looking building we could a) find and b) film outside of] and a trip to Dartmoor prison). It's turning out pretty good. And, although Steve (our crazy-haired, jumping-about-on-tables, chain-smoking teacher) resents the presence of any spotty student in the films, I managed to insert my shoulder and right arm into a couple of scenes - in the pivotal role of The Taxi Driver. I even got a line of dialogue, and yeah, that's me driving off round the corner. I can drive, y'know! And I haven't crashed once, though I did have a slight 'incident' with the Pontin's gate.... but we won't go there.

So, there you go. My day. Until next time, g'night y'all!

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"At what point did you realise / That everybody loves your life but you?" Oh-ah-oh

Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love LiveJournal.

Well, this is my second day with LJ, and already I'm getting in to it. And, as you'll notice, I've uploaded the Official Greatest Owl-Related Image Of All Time. I love that lil' guy.

Well, anyway. Here I am again, wet and cold. It's chucking it down with rain - typical - and this room is about as cold as it is outside. I find my lack of sufficient heating appliances disturbing. My hair's a mess. So, no change there then. Bwahaha. Ahem.

Well, that's about...geez, I've just realised how much I use the word 'well', particuarly to start a new sentance. Well, that's about to stop!

Well....maybe not. Right, so, I need to type something useful. Here's a link for you: BadGuys by the wonderfully hilarious Chris Nosal on Newgrounds. A great Flash animation, and don't forget to check out his other work - but beware, mucho naughty language. Which is half the fun, really. No one else can quite pull off the line "I'm going into town for ale and whores" with as much class as Chris.

So, until next time, buh-bye!

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"Sven is bleeding from ze head!"

In the beginning....

Well, here's my first LJ entry. I haven't explored the site much yet, but I thought I'd better just add an entry before I, y'know, lose interest or something. Oh, by the way, my name's Tom. It'd be nice to meet you, but that seems fairly unlikely, don't it?

OK, I bet this is pretty boring to read. Bleh, that's what I get for not having anything to say. Hm. Well, here's a quick summary of what I'm doing at this very second:

Sitting at my computer (shocking, yes, but true), a Compaq monolith that looks more like HAL than a PC. *I'm afraid I can't do that, Tom*. Got a network adapter sticking out of the front that just barely keeps me connected to the wonder that is the Interwebbynet-thingy. My PS2 is still running (currently paused in the middle of Spaced: Episode 5, which is, IMO, the best of the lot, but more on that awesome show another time). Robbie Williams is singing in my ear about him and his monkey (what? "It's not like you've never seen a monkey in rollerblades and dungarees before". So there). I'm typing this (Shyeah, no guff) and trying not to fall asleep - HAL's informing me it's 22:30 and college was pretty boring today, so I'm a little tired. Mum's in the other room watching whatever rubbish is on TV (Tuesdays are pretty crap; there's Buzzcocks and Broken News on Mondays, Little Britain and Worst Week of my Life on Thursdays, but Tuesdays and Wednesdays are just pants). The cats are asleep; another no-brainer.

Gleh, that's about it. I'm off for now - *yawns loudly* - but expect another entry tomorrow - Wednesday, so I'll be bored again.

Til then, TTFN.

- Tom out

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"How'd I get mixed up with this f****** monkey anyhow?"